My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.