I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry