am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him