Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I would fuck him just for his dog