My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
