I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.