you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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