i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
