there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
