Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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