Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
