By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
