Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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