I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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