I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
