my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
third nipple confirmed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
