Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
