How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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