YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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