Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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