I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Boobs are out for the taking
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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