My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
