i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
