My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
