i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I could fuck to npr.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
