Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want a musical about memes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
