Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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