Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
