Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
