Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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