I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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