I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
im on a boat
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