Old men and throwing up are my life now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
