By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
