If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
