Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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