4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
