yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
