I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
