I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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