My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
