My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
