is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
