dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
