So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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