I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He has the fingertips of a God
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