So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
