just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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