why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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