Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
