i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
