In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
