i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
