He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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