Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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