i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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