fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
