I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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