operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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