Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
