Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
