So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
