imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
