I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
