Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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