Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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