I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
