Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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