I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
