found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
