how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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