your parents love me but you hate me
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
