Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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