Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
