i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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