why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
