Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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