Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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