Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
